Praying about IVF
I know that God has promised us a child. I feel completely convicted about this over and over and have for months. However, I am unsure about how to proceed with this promise. The doctors have told us that we have a very minimal chance (but still a chance!) of conceiving naturally. They recommend IVF/ICSI. Aside from the ethical dilemmas that I know can be navigated through, I have concerns about whether utilizing technology to create life – where there would be none without – is appropriate for us.
My main issue stems from the story of Sarai and Abram. God promises Abram early on and repeatedly that he will have many descendents. Always, this covenant is made with Abram, not with Abram AND Sarai. Finally, Sarai gives over her maiden to Abram to impregnate so that Abram can build a family through Hagar. And, he does. Ishmael is conceived. However, this was man fulfilling God’s promise, not God fulfilling God’s promise…which He does later. God does eventually address Sarai when he tells Abram that He will bless her with a son so that she will be the mother of nations. The news is repeated about Sarah conceiving (not the covenant with Abram) again by the three heavenly messengers. Sarah does, in fact, conceive and bear Isaac.
I am praying about this, but I want to know further what God’s Word says on the matter of infertility. So, some questions I am going to ask:
1. In each situation of infertility, were children desired and why?
2. In each situation of infertility, what circumstances brought about the infertility?
3. How was the person’s relationship with God?
4. What was the state of the relationship in which the infertility occurred?
5. How did God Himself address the infertility?
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility?
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility?
8. Why did God give the blessing of a child?
9. How is each instance similar to us?
10. How is each instance different than us?
Before I explore these questions, I am going to list out some parameters that I believe God to set for us:
· God uses varying methods of creation (word, Adam’s side, sex, immaculate conception)
· God tells us to procreate (Gen 9:1, 9:7),
· Sex is the method of procreation for people during Biblical times,
· God created husbands and wives with the intent of sex between the two of them only (Gen 2:24-25),
· Therefore, procreation ought to only occur within the boundaries of marriage.
· God intends every single creation
a. Gen 1 God speaks matter into existence.
b. Gen 2 God breathing life into the dirt when he creates humanity
c. Gen 29 The LORD opens Leah's womb b/c she was hated
d. Gen 30 God opens Rachel's womb
e. I Sam 1 The LORD opens Hannah's womb
f. Psalm 139 God knit David together in his mother's womb
g. Rom 4 God "gives life to the dead then calls into being that which does not exist" - Paul is thinking explicitly about the elderly Abraham and Sarah having a baby and becoming the father of many nations.
Ultimately, I need to know if utilizing a means other than sex for procreation within the confines of marriage is okay. Is pursuing IVF us fulfilling God’s promise ourselves rather than waiting on God to fulfill His promise?
Infertility in Fertile Pages
Abram and Sarai | |
1. Were children desired and why? | Yes, God promised Abram descendents |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | Sarai was barren, then she was old |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | They were obedient, righteous, and faithful (except for running ahead - resulting in Ishmael) |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | Married, good relationship |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | Continued to promise that Abram would have descendents; Eventually said that Sarah would have a son |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | God told more of the covenant to Abraham – changed his name and had him and all become circumcised as a sign of the covenant |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | Showed faith and obedience by becoming circumcised Sarah laughed at the promise and lied about laughing (out of fear) |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | Abraham kept covenant & circumcised Isaac Sarah rejoiced and shared God’s goodness with others |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | To fulfill His promise To have a chosen people |
10. How is this similar to us? | Feel like God has promised us a child We are confident that God will fulfill His promise We have a strong marriage Is IVF the same as Hagar? |
11. How is this different than us? | I’m not barren or old There IS a chance of conception naturally God did not speak verbally to us |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | God makes His promises clear God fulfills His promises despite our wavering belief We are to continue being faithful and obedient |
Isaac and Rebekah | |
1. Were children desired and why? | Yes |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | Rebekah was barren |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | Excellent |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | Excellent – Isaac was praying on behalf of Rebekah |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | He answered His prayer |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | No |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | No |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | Rebekah went to the Lord with her questions She loved one child more |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | Because Isaac asked |
10. How is this similar to us? | Desire a child Good marriage We approach God with our questions |
11. How is this different than us? | Praying for spouses’ fertility specifically |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | Pray specifically for Nam’s fertility |
Jacob and Leah | |
1. Were children desired and why? | Yes |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | Leah’s womb closed |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | He opened Leah’s womb, but closed Rachel’s |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | Started out of a trick No love Duty/obligation Eventually one of honor? |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | n/a |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | Jacob’s love for Rachel was more |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | No |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | Hoped that Jacob would love her more and more Praised the Lord Competed with sister in jealous affection over husband |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | Because God saw Leah’s misery Intended Joseph for future use |
10. How is this similar to us? | Desire children God sees our misery and desire |
11. How is this different than us? | Based on love and choice, not a trick No competing wives Intention with child is not for spousal love |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | God sees our misery and desire |
Jacob and Rachel | |
1. Were children desired and why? | Yes Innate To compete with sister |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | God closed her womb because she had the love of Jacob and Leah didn’t (opened Leah’s womb) |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | ? |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | Love Turbulent |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | He listened to her and opened her womb |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | ? |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | ? |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | Thankful to God Asked Him for another son Had another son Died due to childbirth |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | He remembered her |
10. How is this similar to us? | Relationship of love |
11. How is this different than us? | No competing spouse Not a turbulent relationship God remembers us God listens to us |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | God remembers us God listens to us |
Manoah and Wife | |
1. Were children desired and why? | ? |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | Wife was barren |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | ? |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | ? |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | Angel of the Lord appeared to wife Told her she would birth a son Gave her specific instructions to avoid wine, strong drink, and any unclean food Also gave instruction to not cut boys’ hair Told the boy would begin to lead the Israelites out of the Philistines’ rule Answered Manoah’s prayer and reappeared and repeated His instructions Accepted offerings from Manoah and wife Ascended into Heaven before Manoah and wife |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | no |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | Fell on their faces towards God |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | ? |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | Intended the child for future use |
10. How is this similar to us? | Not |
11. How is this different than us? | Wife is barren God appeared to couple God gave specific instructions for wife and son God ascended to Heaven before couple |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | Pray for God’s specific instruction Pray that God will use our child very specifically |
Hannah and Elkanah | |
1. Were children desired and why? | Yes Innate desire Ridiculed |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | Hannah was barren |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | Faithful |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | Very loving Husband cared deeply and provided for her |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | He remembered her and she conceived a son |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | No |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | Hannah poured out her heart to the Lord Shared her anguish with priest She promised her son over to His service (only keeping him a few years and then giving him over to the priesthood) |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | No, husband continued his support |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | Had the specific intention for Samuel |
10. How is this similar to us? | Pour our hearts out to the Lord Loving, providing marriage Shared our desire to raise our child for the Lord |
11. How is this different than us? | No ridicule No specific promise to hand child over somewhere |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | Promise to the Lord to raise our child for His purpose Continue to pour out our heart Share our prayer with others |
Michal and David | |
1. Were children desired and why? | ? |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | She despised seeing her husband give his all to the Lord |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | I guess not great if she despised somebody worshipping Him |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | She spoke to David crossly |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | She never had children |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | n/a |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | n/a |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | n/a |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | He didn’t because her heart was hardened |
10. How is this similar to us? | It’s not! |
11. How is this different than us? | We relish seeing one another worship the Lord Our hearts are softened to Him |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | Praise God for the other’s worship and obedience Plead with Him to help keep our hearts soft |
Shunnamite woman | |
1. Were children desired and why? | ? |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | ? |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | Good (she recognized a man of God and cared for him) |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | Good (he honored her request to build an upper room) |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | Spoke through the prophet and said that she would have a son |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | She was always hospitable to the prophet Elisha She went out of her way to make him comfortable |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | No |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | Kept her steadfast faith so that her son was even raised from the dead! |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | Because of her care for Him and Elisha |
10. How is this similar to us? | Good relationship with God |
11. How is this different than us? | We should care more for His people No prophets to care for |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | We should care more for His people |
Zacharias and Elisabeth | |
1. Were children desired and why? | Yes |
2. What circumstances brought about the infertility? | ? They were old |
3. How was the person’s relationship with God? | Excellent |
4. What was the state of the male/female relationship? | Excellent |
5. How did God Himself address the infertility? | Sent Gabriel to tell Zacharias that he would have a son and the son would prepare the way for the Lord |
6. Did any circumstances change before fertility? | No |
7. Did the infertile person/couple change before fertility? | Zacharias was made mute because he did not initially believe Gabriel |
8. Did the infertile person/couple change after fertility? | Elisabeth rejoiced and shared with neighbors her joy Zacharias was made unmute and praised the Lord proclaiming what his son was to do |
9. Why did God give the blessing of a child? | To prepare the way of the Lord |
10. How is this similar to us? | Strong relationship with God Strong marriage |
11. How is this different than us? | Gabriel not spoken to us; not old |
12. And, so? What can I take from this for us? | Believe the Lord |
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